What do you dislike the most about scheduling anything with friends?
Anxo Armada
18 replies
Is there any structured way to socialize?
I feel it is very difficult to keep up with everyone you want because you need a lot of time and context to make the puzzle work.
Social media, messaging tools, etc. definitely are not helping.
Replies
Vineet Sinha@vineet_sinha
What I dislike the most about scheduling anything with friends is that I have to find some, first.
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you are right, social media and texting are not really how people are wired to socialize (lack of non-verbal communication).
and yes, having 1:1's with everyone you know takes a lot of time and sometimes just feels too intimate and out of place (especially if it's not a close friend or an impromptu "oh, let's sit down for a coffee" but a scheduled zoom call).
the easiest way to schedule social time is too have a regular thing with a larger group, like a bi-weekly dinner night with students of the same department (make it simple, no need to discover a new place every single time) or the monthly board game night you promote in this large WhatsApp group you've been part of for years but only know a handful of people really well.... this is, of course, all pre-COVID ;(
I had a digital hangout night with my team the other night and all we did was to play skribbl, it was fun and if you feel like talking private stuff you can, if not cool as well ;)
@darjagutnick thanks for the nice inputs here!
These kind of routines definitely can help, I feel they work because someone is very involved and highly motivated to keep them going. Maybe... superorganizers? People pushing us to do things together, without their glue it gets harder.
Regarding COVID, here in the first wave we were desperate to socialize online, but in this second wave I am seeing the people resigned and apathetic.
I think we need better excuses or at least creative inputs to generate more opportunities to do things together in this context. For example, the other day with some friends we spent few hours online binging Reddit together, good laughs!
I like to dip in and out of social activities. So if there was a way to see what everyone else was doing and allow me to then join them or not (without them knowing) it would be great. eg Friend X just bought tickets to Bruce Springsteen, great I'll buy some too. Friend Y just arrived at bar Z nearby, great I'll join them for a drink
@ronanawall yes, that availability indicator would be cool. Most of the apps try to accomplish this through location, but this is not very natural to us, but sometimes it could work.
It makes more sense for your first example, based on intent, you have one or more friends interested in a cool idea or thing to do, so you can join and schedule it.
We are preparing the launch on PH of Kudu, that solves exactly this problem, shared ideas to follow and schedule easily with your friends. We'll be happy to receive any feedback!
What, apart from the fact it's like herding cats, knitting fog, and polishing hens' teeth?
I've sat at marvelled at how as few as 3 friends could take weeks to organise one night out.
"Oh, this Saturday! No, I'm taking the girlfriend out."
"Yeah, but could we go to [name of time] instead?"
"Is it going to rain? I'm not going if it's raining."
The list goes on…
The sure fire fix is to get a woman in to sort it out.
@waynesmallman hahaha, that really resonates with me, we are working to solve this with Kudu. It would be nice to receive some feedback if you feel this pain :)
Hi @anxo_armada, for the reasons mentioned I outsource the planning to avoid the headache or sorting things out!
If someone wants to catch up with, they will put in the same effort as you. If it's difficult, chances are they don't really care as much as you do.
@alexbenjamignan That's very true, but sometimes it is not about putting a lot of effort. Sometimes we flow with other proposals that are easier or more convenient, because now it's difficult to handle multiple agendas (messaging?? uufff...) and even get these kind of icebreakers to make it happen.
Archbee
People are not available at the same time and it takes a lot of effort to organize a meetup with all the people that you want to. Often times there are at least 2-3 people that cannot join.
@paul_nica I agree that sometimes it's very difficult to manage all the constraints for everyone, so most of the times the consensus should win.
How do you make this effort? Through messaging or any other way?
just the fact that i have to initiate it and there is a chance that they might be busy with other things and i would have wasted time throwing in that extra effort. (introvert problems)
@faustina_fan not only for introverts! It is very common that this lack of context makes you feel you are wasting your time.
Beyond in person, calls, sending texts (yos, his, whatever..) or seeing some posting on social media, how do we know about others' intents?